Bodhisattva vow
It was the early 70's and I was fresh back from India. The time when my friends hate hearing my cool stories of houseboats and tigers, They don't now – until I've told them 3 times and more. I wanted to know more about zen so I read books like Three Pillars of Zen and Zen Mind Beginner's Mind. Philip Kapleau in Rochester, NY was closer to San Fran so I arranged for myself and a woman friend to go to a retreat weekend in Rochester. I was fascinated by Kapleau's story as my father was in Japan at the same time as Kapleau. My father was a war crimes lawyer and Kapleau was a zen student. This is what I remember of that weekend:
a really good macro restaurant
huge houses built by Kodak workers who were paid in stock
the Zen Center building
zen mediation
that fucking stick that hit my shoulders
and the Bodhisattva vow
My body is not limber. Not at all. To do any kind of even fake lotus type of positions is not only very difficult, it is painful. So the gig went you sit for 40 minutes, walk for 10, sit for 40 then zen talk by Kapleau. What do I remember. I remember my friend could sit no problems. Myself, well I'm trying my best to get that one leg down to a presentable position. Nope. No go. And the pain, The muscle pain in my legs as they mercifully fell asleep. My breath felt and sounded like a dragon, a pissed off one at that. I remember taking most of the walking time just rubbing my legs so I might be able to ever walk anywhere again. Did I remember Kapleau's talk? No, not a thing. It was good and wise and gentle. I kinda had the first 2 down but gentle, no. Pain was the override.
And the stick. What kind of wood are those things. Hard. I discovered that getting whacked was saved for those who appeared close to some kind of satori and those who leaned over too much due to yes you got it – pain. So I got the stick for obvious reasons. Which did not alleviate the pain. And the bodhisattva vow. My understanding was the satsang said this vow on a routine basis so I cheerfully joined in. I think at that point normal sitting was allowed. I thought it was a vow that you said you would be reborn until everyone in the world was enlightened. Seemed a possible long time. However, soon I realized the actuality of the vow. This was this life and to speed up those enlightenments, it seemed important to be a bodhisattva at that moment and every moment. Not only that, I had taken a vow to do so. This quickly seemed like a challenge. Arguing with my woman friend on the way back about sex did not seem to fit the bill.
Am I a bodhisattva now – doesn't seem like it. However, I have met some. I have a little personal prayer. When I am in deep shit, I call on the bodhisattvas for help. When I forget, the shit gets deeper. One time I was staying alone at a friend's cabin in the dead of a very cold winter. My friend had neglected to give me full instructions on the fire stove – so no heat. I decided that I needed to bail on this cool idea of staying there. But alas my car battery was frozen and then frozen again. And this cabin was many many miles from even one human. And it was very cold. My choices were limited – stand there and freeze to death or say my bodhisattva prayer and start walking imagining my frozen body being found not far down the road. I made it a few steps when a hydro truck came down the road.
"Yup, never come down this way. Too far. And besides he doesn't have electricity." At that point he laughed. "But today I was close by so I thought why not check out some of them poles?"
I got my jump, went somewhere warm that sold batteries and since then I've continued to 'occasionally' get in shit and hope to remember my bodhisattva prayer.
Is that how it works? Meet bodhisattvas and maybe it rubs off on me. Nah, I think it's probably a bunch more pain and that fucking stick...